Children

My kids drive me crazy, they make me angry, they make me cry, they make me want to bash my head against a wall but, they also make me laugh daily, they entertain me constantly, they love me unconditionally (even when they hate me), and they make me feel accomplished. 

I wish I had written down all the things my children have said and done over the years that have been note worthy because I know it would be a great read one day, perhaps excerpts in a slide show for a wedding, I have some things stored in memory, mostly because I've told the story over and over again or because it was so damn funny I'll never forget it but, I really do wish I had kept better track of stuff like that.....I have a friend that does this, she writes down all the things her very busy 3 year old son says and does and while I know he keeps her on her toes and some days she just looks at him and wonders if he will ever calm down he is a great kid.  They are an amazing family and they are moving soon, I will miss them.

I thought I would share some of the things she tells her son, just in case you need a laugh today...and if you are a mother, I guarantee you will relate to some of these things.


Stop putting your noodles up your nose.
We do not put our heads in the toilet!
Don't poke yourself in the eye.
The table is not for jumping!
Are you supposed to pee on the toilet lid?
You do not put your head in the toilet water!
Quit scratching your butt cheek with your tooth brush.
Please don't put your butt thermometer in your ear.
Don't touch the dog's eyeball.
Quit playing with the gas tank.
Get out of the sink!
Your sister is not a chair or trampoline.
We pour our drinks in cups not on the floor.
Quit hanging from the door knobs.
Where are your clothes?!
Stop licking things!
We use our hands to hold spoons, not our toes.
Take mommy's bra off right now.
Get your head out of the dryer please.
Puzzle boxes are not to pee in, they are to put puzzles in.
Please put the dish rack back in the dish washer.
Just because you have a coat and your sisters shoes on does not make it ok to go outside without parents or pants.
You don't feed the dog the WHOLE bag of Beggin' Strips, only one.
Don't stab people with pretzels.
Stop licking people!
When I said go get on the toilet, I didn't mean stand on it and then pee.
Don't pull your pants down until you are in the bathroom!
Keep your hands, feet, and man junk to yourself!!!
We use the sink to rinse our tooth brush not the toilet.
Don't put rocks in the tail pipe!
Just because the dog licks you to kiss you does not mean you lick him back.
Don't pick up and play with the mice you find outside, they are not pets.
You can not put your hand over the baby's mouth to make him quiet!!!!
Never yell "we're going down! we're going down" while you are on an airplane sitting next to a girl who has never flown before...
The airport is not a good place to play pretend, please quit barking at people and get up and walk like a big boy.
DO NOT JUMP OFF THE STEPS when you just fell down them last night!
Just because you peed outside once doesn't mean you can pee outside anywhere you want.


Thanks,

from Heather